Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Dissecting a press release

In the professional sphere, i.e. the writing/editing gig, LCD doesn’t like to lay bare the awful banality of much that we have to work with in this corner of the biz.

We’re talking here about press releases, those formerly faxed to stack in the IN box, today advertisement-splattered typo-laden 300-word mutant non-stories clogging up the internet.

But since yesterday marked the introduction of “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure: The Slot” to a world breathlessly awaiting such software, LCD figured a little PR “prose” could do with public dissection. The originating online casino shall remain nameless, as will the generic, user-unfriendly PR website on which it sits to gather virtual dust, mostly ignored. Snarky parenthetical comments all LCD’s.

(Incidentally, for those of you who prefer something a little less bogus and a bit more triumphant -- not to mention short -- here's a trivia question: Who played Joan D'Arc in the movie and for what was she quasi-famous beforehand? You may now skip to the end bit for the answer.

Join a youthful Keanu Reeves as Theodore Logan, and Alex Winter as Bill S. Preston Esq., (um, you may have missed it, but the “esquire” thing was a joke) two not-very-bright teenagers, (“not-very-bright.” Yeah, and the Bush administration has been “not-very-successful.”) as they travel through time with their guide from 2688 AD, 'Dude' Rufus, (dude, “Dude” Rufus was played by George Carlin, R.I.P., or can we not mention this?) encountering notable figures in history to help them graduate high school and pursue their real dream - The Wyld Stalyns band.

With realistic graphics that capture the many amusing characters and high points (for me, the high point was the easy Sigmund Freud/corn dog joke. You?) in the film “the film?” It’s a film now? What is this, NYU? Sheesh.) "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure - the slot" uses the amusing theme to carry an advanced, interactive pub slot ... blah, blah, blah ... Oh, here’s an important note: of the icons on the reels, the Bill & Ted logo is good for 2000x ...

Blah, blah, blah ... Watch out especially for the time travelling telephone box (You know, as a Doctor Who fan, LCD really has to point out that Bill and Ted are plagarists.) ... blah blah, three of these in view delivers the feature game, where players use the cursor either manually or on ‘autoplay’ to target the planets (you know – Mars, Venus, Uranus...)

Blah blah ... three guitar symbols accompanied by a resounding riff (Excellent!) ... blah blah, wow, there’s really nothing interesting here for four more paragraphs and then it ends.

Oh wait: On a $10 per line wager, a maximum payout of up to $69,000 is possible.

Actually, it's $70,000, but if you think LCD was gonna pass on that joke, you haven't been paying attention. Plus, it ought to be $69,000, anyway.

Remember, folks, we read these things so you don’t have to.

Answer to trivia question: Joan D'Arc was played by Jane Wiedlin, rhythm guitar for the Go Gos.